Selections from "On Writing"

Below are selections from a piece I wrote a few months ago called "On Writing."

[...] I am not subtle in my motives. I come to this page with all the finesse of a tractor-trailer barreling through a red light and you, Dear Reader, are the unfortunate soul in the midst of a left-hand turn. I cannot promise to leave you un-dented.

[...]I write because I am a depraved and lonely human being. I crack jokes on paper because I want to smile. I say disconcerting things because I fear my own apathy. I write insufferable characters because I want to better love my fellow human beings. I do this for your entertainment. I am an exhausted vaudevillian looking for companionship in our small conspiracy.

[...]But I do need you, Dear Reader, though you may think I doth protest too much. I need you here, perched on my shoulder, like any self-respecting god or demon, to give shape to my days. I need you to remind me to write people as they are, not as how I wish them to be complete with romantic endings and snappy one-liners. I need you to scold me when I dare to think of dressing up Ideas, Themes, or Motifs in three-piece suites or hip-hugging jeans so they can strut around your imagination, pretending to be People You Know. I would be lost without you.

[...]Let me say something brilliant and I feel like I kissed the Homecoming Queen. Let me write something mediocre and I feel like I went home from the dance all alone, knowing I didn't have it in me to say anything worth saying. I'm at home on pieces of paper. Everywhere else just feels like a stage-set from a made-for-T.V. movie.

[...]I warned you before, Dear Reader, I am a liar of the worst sort. I am willing to say anything to set my soul right.

[...]I tried quitting, once. I tore up a half-dozen notebooks, tossed my pens in the garbage, and bought pencils so I wouldn't have to live with my mistakes. It was miserable. I would make it a week and then find myself hammering out lines on cocktail napkins, linen tablecloths, or bathroom stalls. It was a holy mess. They don't make a writer's patch. I've checked with my local pharmacist.