"The Last Thing I Want to Be is Forgettable"

I have to admit, when I first walked in the X last Monday, I was a little leery. For some reason, I knew right away that we were going to get in a circle and hold hands. Not that I'm opposed to that sort of thing, or anything, I just need a little time to warm up. It's not always easy for me to embrace new things. In fact, that is one of the things that I like about theatre: the perpetual challenge, the ongoing dare, the prodding, the danger, the cliff. In a way, I like that it is not easy . . . And then, my fears were of course realized, and I was holding hands with people I didn't know and there was this profoundly sensitive man asking us to reveal to the group something that really mattered to us. My heart started to pound. What was I going to say? Should I make something up? No, I'm not a very good liar (and I call myself an actor!). Should I say something that kind of matters to me, perhaps I could sort of say something general, like the election, and just sort of fudge my answer a bit so that everybody just nods in agreement (like, say something that everybody is supposed to care about) and then my turn will be over, and yes, I won't stand out, but this time that would be a good thing, I could blend in, and be forgettable.

No. That's not me. The last thing I want to be is forgettable.

So, right there I decided. I am going to try this. I'll say what's really on my mind. Fuck it. These people will know, but there's no freedom unless you're vulnerable first. So, I did it. Then I turned a corner. I realized, that sharing something intimate or important to me or something that really matters to me, doesn't necessarily have to be anything sexual, or a profound weakness of mine, or anything like that, it just needs to matter to me enough that I need to share it.

--Chase Korte

1982-2007