Coconuts with Life Jackets

I had coffee with my friend Danielle not too too long ago. She's an art student at the University of Minnesota-Duluth. She explained to me one of her sculptures featured in her senior exhibition coming this Fall.

The sculpture consists of white plaster molds of six coconuts cut in half. These plaster coconuts are floating in a milky-white pool. "But I painted bright orange life-jackets on each of the plaster coconuts," Danielle elaborated.

I smiled. "Why?"

She laughed. "I think I was playing with the idea that real coconuts would float in a pool, but these plaster coconuts wouldn't without life-jackets."

"Right..."

Danielle laughed again. "I don't know, really. I think I just thought it would look neat to have coconuts wearing life-jackets."

"Go with that if someone asks you what the piece means," I suggested. "It's make a lot more sense."

Into Beautiful

A friend of mine came into town last night so I drove out to his parent's house to visit. I pulled up and his little sister was raking the grass.

"Ask her what she's doing, Eric," my friend's girlfriend told me.

"What are you doing, Emily?" I asked the little girl.

Emily stopped, resting the rake twice her height on her shoulder. She smiled. "I'm turning the grass into beautiful," she said.

I smiled. "Doesn't that make you wish you could write poems?" my friend's girlfriend asked me.

I nodded. "Yeah. I know what you mean."

Strip Club

I met the poet Derek J. Rhodes at a strip club in Duluth not too long ago. He waved me over to a seat at his table near the stage.

"This is the last place I expected to see you," he said.

"I'm trying to broaden my horzons," I said.

"That's a long way of saying you were curious."

I shrugged. He caught me.

He gestured with his drink toward a man wearing headphones offering up a fiver for a lap dance. "It's beautiful in a way. People doing what they can to make one another feel less lonely."

"I guess."

The poet Derek J. Rhodes shook his head. "That's the problem with the great E. G. HOVE. All theory; no lust."

I ignored him and stirred my gin and tonic with a straw. It was some time before one of us spoke.

"I didn't mean to sound so uncharitable before," he offered a smile. "Between the two of us, we'll get the job done."

"And what is that?" I asked.

He tossed a dollar landing on the metal rail in front of me. "Convincing human beings they're beautiful no matter what happens."

"That sounds damn near heretical."

"Oh, make no mistake. We'll probably go to hell for it." He grinned. "But at least you'll have someone to buy your drinks."

Cucumbers

My friend, JR, asked me what I will miss most when I die. While I tried to think up a witty and humorous answer, she jumped in. "I'll miss a lot of everyday things," she said. "People too. But right now, I think I'd miss home-grown cucumbers the most."

An Apology

I like to ask people what they would do if they were God. If I was God, I would write an apology on the side of Everest in letters a half-mile high. It would read:

YOU'RE ALL BEAUTIFUL. I'M SORRY YOU FORGET THAT MOST OF THE TIME. MY MISTAKE.

Ralph

I went to the hospital recently to visit my coworker and friend, Ralph. He has worked 22 years at the Scout camp and managed to make it through most of the season without any medical issues. Ralph tells me often that if he dies at camp, he'll be "mad as hell" if anyone tries to resuscitate him.

During my visit, one of his I.V. bags drained empty and the machine pumping the fluid started beeping incessantly. Ralph searched the wall for the call button. "Ladies, oh ladies, they're playing my song again. You know the tune. It goes: 'Beep! Beep! Beep!'" He laughed and promised he would see me again soon.

Most People

I was out with my friends Josh and Rachel two nights ago. We were all tired and conversation had languished for some time until Rachel spoke.

"I'm kind of spacey right now," Rachel smiled. "I keep thinking about how I'd like to be a bird so I could sing."

Josh laughed. "Not so you could fly?"

"No," Rachel replied. "I'd just sing."

"Most people would want to fly," I said.

She shrugged. "I guess that makes me crazy."

A Bipartisan Brand

My friend, K., used to work as an assistant at the State Capitol in St. Paul. Over beers, he told me about a cigarette break he took with one of the state's power-brokers.

"There's this real right-wing state senator, who will remain unnamed, of course," K. smiled.

"Of course," I said.

"Anyway, let's just say she's a leading proponent of the Marriage Amendment, so you know I'm a fan," K. winced. "She comes out on the balcony where all the smokers hang out and she takes out her pack of Parliaments and then gets a good look at me and what I'm smoking and she notices that we're smoking the same brand. She remarks, 'Parliaments? I thought that was the brand of Edina house-wives.'"

K. sipped his beer. "I told her, 'No Senator. You got it all wrong. Parliaments are the brand of college liberals everywhere.'"

"What'd she say to that?" I asked.

"At least we agree on one thing," K. replied. "I think the whole event blew her mind a little bit."

"Tagged"

I'd asked my son, "What would get the younger set involved in the Arts' Alliance?" He recommended establishing a "Graffito Wall". Little did I guess that our shed might become the location! Can't even tell you when, but we've been tagged!

Contributed by Ann.